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Kevin Michael Goodman

Funeral Service May 27, 2005

Born July 1, 1989  Deceased May 23, 2005

Kevin Michael Goodman was a very unique individual.  Let me share with you some of Kevin’s strengths and weaknesses. 

 First, I would like to discuss his character:  Kevin is, by nature fairly cautious.  Unlike some of his brothers, he would not be the first one to try something new.  On more than one occasion, the challenge came to jump off cliffs into the water at Lake Powell.  Kevin was not the first person over the edge.  But, after he had seen others, like his brothers, jump, he took the plunge - and felt accomplishment in the achievement.  When he took up skateboarding and snowboarding, he wasn’t the first person to ride the ramp or attempt the half-pipe, but after careful observation and analysis, he would venture into the runs and attempt to develop and then perfect his skill.   This cautious nature was perhaps one of the reasons that he often worried about “making the grade” or “being good enough”.  This cautious nature also perhaps had bearing on one of his greatest fears in life – that of failure.  He truly wanted to succeed.  In fact, there were times the fear of failure was so great that he wouldn’t try or attempt to perform. 

 Kevin’s cautious nature seems at odds with his impulsiveness.  How could he act so quickly and without thinking, when he was so good at analyzing?  His initial reaction to almost everything was “No!”  It was a sort of “panic attack,” automatic response that either allowed him time to analyze the situation at his own speed and then have a chance to change his mind, or, it allowed him to avoid the moment and get someone off his back.

 It is said that those who have dreams and visions of grandeur are the ones that move the world.  Kevin had dreams and visions of grandeur.  He had great plans for himself and others.  Maybe you heard him talk about how he was going to be so successful he would “rule” or “take over” the world someday.  He talked about starting an airline, a start-up company like a Jet Blue that would eventually dominate the entire airline industry.  He dreamed of writing video games and computer games that would become so popular that every person on the planet would want to play them.  He was going to call his company the “Goody Games” Company. He talked of building the largest skate-park in the entire world, complete with all of the half-pipes, quarter-pipes and jumps.  People would come from all over the world to skate.  Kevin would sometimes say, “We can’t just talk about it, we have to do it”.  

Kevin was a social person.  Everywhere he went, he made friends.  People loved his sense of humor.  When he first started playing soccer, he enjoyed soccer practice and games, but he more enjoyed going to the playground next to the soccer fields with all of the kids that were just playing and having a good time.  He became interested in football because he had friends that liked football.  The same was true for basketball. 

 Kevin can be determined and persistent. He participated in Karate and became a blue belt.  He wanted to become a good pool player and worked hard at learning the angles and bounces of the ball on the table.  His older brothers used to beat him handily at video and computer games until Kevin made up his mind that he was going to be better.  He would play games over and over until he had mastered them.  Before long, his older brothers were coming to him for advice on how to win.  When Kevin decided he was going to finish the duty to God portion of his Deacon’s award, one of his goals was to finish reading the Deacon portion of the Book of Mormon.  His dad wanted to help him and so agreed that he would get up in the morning with Kevin to read.  With Kevin the initiator, at 6:30 AM, Kevin and his dad read scriptures for several months so that Kevin could reach his goal. 

 Kevin loved to help other people. On one particular occasion, Kevin saw a girl from another school being teased and picked on by some people that Kevin knew.  He stepped in to protect and help the girl.  He was successful in helping her, but in the process took some criticism and ostracism from those that he knew.  He wanted to make others feel better. His friends will attest that he has spent many hours helping them to “level up their characters”. 

 Perhaps you don’t know that Kevin was talented in the performing arts.  In his Montessori school, he played the part of King Alonso in Shakespeare’s “Tempest”.  Playing his role required him to memorize lines in the Old English Language of Shakespeare’s time.  Kevin not only accomplished the feat, but was given an award for Outstanding Acting and Dance for his role in that performance.

 He had ability academically.  On an SAT test for science in grade school, he scored in the top ten percent of all students in the entire nation.  In other, private testing last year by (SEPS) an independent private school and clinic, he scored at the graduate school level in visual-spacial thinking and fluid reasoning.  At the same time, he evidenced a very limited short-term memory and attention.

 Kevin loved to try to figure things out and understand logic.  He loved chess.  He would check out chess books from the library and study them constantly.  He would set up scenarios on the chessboard in the basement of his home and study the possible moves and countermoves.  Perhaps, the game of chess describes Kevin’s life, and his view of life, in many respects.  You see, when you play a game of chess, each move that you make with one of your pieces comes with consequences.  If you make the right move, your future ability to succeed is enhanced.  If you make the wrong move, you have some setbacks that make it much tougher to ultimately win the game. 

 Likewise, the game of life is filled with choices and decisions. There is a price to pay for every move that we make in life.  Our choices determine whether we advance and ultimately obtain value or whether we bring sorrow into our lives.  I don’t know how much Kevin truly understood about the principle of agency.  One of Kevin’s weaknesses seems to be his inability to understand fully the relationship between cause and effect, or the relationship between choice and consequences.  Some have referred to this agency as “free” agency.  However, I would submit to you that there is no such thing as “free” agency.  Because, with agency—or the ability to choose, the ability to direct our actions and our lives—comes a responsibility—a responsibility to be accountable for our choices and our actions.  Yes, we are free to choose ( even from the very beginning, in the Garden of Eden, the Lord God told Adam and Eve, “Thou mayest choose for thyself, for it is given unto thee” [Moses 3:19]), but we are not free to choose the consequences  or the price of our actions.  In Section 130 of the Doctrine and Covenants, we read, 

            20 There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessing are predicated.  And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated. (Section 130:20-21)

 And likewise, whenever we disobey a law, there is a punishment that must be satisfied.  In the game of chess, much like life, to reach  the ultimate prize and win the game, you have to watch the entire chess board, the “big picture”, and realize that any current move you make will have consequences, some immediate and others as the game unfolds.  And, with an understanding of the plan of salvation, it helps to have a master plan in your mind before you make your first move and to stay with your plan as the game unfolds. 

 Kevin made many good choices in his life.  He also made some that were wrong.  The taking of one’s life is wrong!  He will be held accountable for his actions.  One thing that none of us knows about Kevin is what was going on in his mind.  On May 12^th, only a couple of weeks ago, Kevin wrote a paper for a class assignment where he was asked to evaluate a poem.  He chose the poem, “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost.  His final, concluding statement in the analysis of the poem reads:

 “ We all want to say ‘that [the road we choose] has made all the difference’ because we want to make the right decision.  We don’t want to make the wrong choice.”

  We don’t know what Kevin saw on his chessboard of life and have no way of knowing what he felt about the consequences of his next move.  Elder Bruce R. McConckie, who was a member of the Quorum of the Twelve said,

“Persons subject to great stresses may lose control of themselves and become mentally clouded to the point that they are no longer accountable for their acts. Such are not to be condemned for taking their own lives. It should also be remembered that judgment is the Lord's; he knows the thoughts, intents, and abilities of men; and he in his infinite wisdom will make all things right in due course." (Mormon Doctrine, 2d ed., Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1966, p. 771.). 

What state of mind was Kevin in when he made this tragic mistake?  Nobody on this earth knows.  We do know he was often impulsive.   Quoting from Elder M. Russell Ballard, a current member of the Quorum of the Twelve,

“I feel that the Lord also recognizes differences in intent and circumstances: Was the person who took his life mentally ill? Was he or she so deeply depressed as to be unbalanced or otherwise emotionally disturbed? Was the suicide a tragic, pitiful call for help …………… that . . progressed faster than the victim intended? Did he or she somehow not understand the seriousness of the act? Was he or she suffering from a chemical imbalance that led to despair and a loss of self-control?

Obviously, we do not know the full circumstances surrounding every suicide. Only the Lord knows all the details, and he it is who will judge our actions here on earth.

When he does judge us, I feel he will take all things into consideration: our genetic and chemical makeup, our mental state, our intellectual capacity, the teachings we have received, the traditions of our fathers, our health, and so forth.” (Insert Reference)

Let me quote to you excerpts from a talk that Kevin gave in January of 2003.  I quote:

“ If you are doing bad stuff, it will show in your face and in how you act and how you treat other people.  If you have faith and are doing all the things God wants you to do, it will show in how you look, in how you act and how you treat other people.   . . . If you are upset, but you act happy, and put on a smile, the people who really know you will know that something is wrong.  God knows us very well and we can never fool him.  He can look at our heart and know how we are doing.. . .

He concludes his talk by saying,

“My brother, Aaron, is on a mission in Chile right now.  I haven’t seen him since June, but when we saw him then at the airport, he looked different from when he was at home.  I can only describe it as kind of “shiny”.  He was doing what he was supposed to be doing and serving the Lord by going on a mission, so he looked shiny.  When we talked to him on Christmas, he sounded happy and even kind of “shiny”.  I want to go on a mission in a few years and I can start preparing now, by following God’s commandments and doing what is right.  Then I will be ready to represent the Lord as one of his missionaries when I am 19.  I will have a name tag that says I am from the Church of Jesus Christ of Letter-day Saints and I want to be shiny and clean and have His image as well as His name.  I know I can’t just talk about it, I have to do it.  I also know that He will help me.”

How grateful we can be that the infinite atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ applies to all of us and applies very broadly.

"His blood atoneth for the sins of those who have fallen by the transgression of Adam, who have died not knowing the will of God concerning them, or who have ignorantly sinned." (Mosiah 3:11.)

So, we have analyzed some of Kevin’s strengths and some weaknesses.  There are many questions left unanswered.  But there are some we can answer.  Can he still progress and grow?:  Absolutely.  Has he reached his full potential? :  Absolutely not.  Will his future journey include difficulty and require a lot of effort? :  Most certainly.  Will he continue to be loved and cared for by those he left behind? : No question!  Will he live again, with his body, someday? :  Absolutely. 

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